U N D E R S T A N D I N G
It's been a long time,
I have started typing a few blogs but got distracted before finishing them. A lot has happened since my last blog post!
I am currently home alone and it is pretty early in the morning, almost 2am. I honestly can't remember the last time I was up this late. Tim is out of town for work and I miss him quite a bit.
Lately things have been going really good for me. I have a job I love but thinking about jumping ship to a similar but very different career path. I am also in the best relationship of my life and I truly feel like I have found my other half in Tim although he is a pain in my ass.
I am FINALLY starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel in terms of my financial situation as well. So many wonderful things have happened in the past few years that sometimes I don't even recognize myself.
Let me illustrate a few big changes...
Receptionist at an Optometrist Office → Ophthalmic Scribe and Scrub Tech
Single and wanting 50 cats to fill the void → Happily in a relationship and still wanting 50 cats
Bachelor Degree → Considering returning for Surgery Tech Certificate
****
This morning I have been reviewing old blogs and trying to keep myself from thinking too much about Tim. Lately my feelings have been all over the place (not for him) but about our relationship. I even signed up for Therapy but didn't up going through with it.
I tend to "get in my head" as I call it, too much. I begin thinking one thing and then it spirals out of control and I create all these fake scenarios in my mind that feel so real. I've read so much about how to avoid being clingy and how to build self-esteem that I feel like a damn expert on the topic. It is all so easier said than done. I don't particularly feel like a non-confident person but I feel like I overwhelming for Tim sometimes.
One of the things that I am trying to remind myself is you should never apologize for being your authentic self. My authentic self is unsure, nervous (because of abandonment issues from childhood), extremely loving and touchy. I'm also independent, confident and open to visiting new places. I am not mostly my flaws but a lot of wonderful qualities too.
Single and wanting 50 cats to fill the void → Happily in a relationship and still wanting 50 cats
Bachelor Degree → Considering returning for Surgery Tech Certificate
****
This morning I have been reviewing old blogs and trying to keep myself from thinking too much about Tim. Lately my feelings have been all over the place (not for him) but about our relationship. I even signed up for Therapy but didn't up going through with it.
I tend to "get in my head" as I call it, too much. I begin thinking one thing and then it spirals out of control and I create all these fake scenarios in my mind that feel so real. I've read so much about how to avoid being clingy and how to build self-esteem that I feel like a damn expert on the topic. It is all so easier said than done. I don't particularly feel like a non-confident person but I feel like I overwhelming for Tim sometimes.
One of the things that I am trying to remind myself is you should never apologize for being your authentic self. My authentic self is unsure, nervous (because of abandonment issues from childhood), extremely loving and touchy. I'm also independent, confident and open to visiting new places. I am not mostly my flaws but a lot of wonderful qualities too.
 |
| My Inspiration Board |
To distract myself I started working on my inspiration board which reminds me of all the good memories that we are going to make this year. I'm really looking forward to another year with Tim and all of the things in store. (We just need to get through this deposition)
Tomorrow I have off work and I need to do a lot of things around the house and try to be productive.
For now I am trying to be patient and understanding of myself and of him. Maybe I'll write some more tomorrow when my head is a little more organized. I could literally write about 50 different things and maybe I will. Soon.
Yours Truly,
SM
Tomorrow I have off work and I need to do a lot of things around the house and try to be productive.
For now I am trying to be patient and understanding of myself and of him. Maybe I'll write some more tomorrow when my head is a little more organized. I could literally write about 50 different things and maybe I will. Soon.
Yours Truly,
SM
You have grown so much is such a short amount of time. I hope to be able to write a blog like this sometime soon. You have worked so hard and deserve everything positive that has come your way or will be coming your way.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it would be a good idea to talk to a therapist because I believe you are right about the abandonment issues. Take your time though when you are ready you will go and if you are never ready I am sure you are clever enough to think of something that will help just as much.
Tim loves you and I am sure that the two of you have many adventures to come.
Your bored looks amazing! It would be cool if Tim made one too.
I hope that you had a wonderful day off. I love you!